Should It Feel This Uncomfortable?
Updated: Oct 17, 2018
I’m in transition. I’ve taken the giant leap off the corporate rat run into the entrepreneurial dream world of no boss, no fixed schedule and only my own vision to guide me. And while I’ve taken the leap, I feel like I’m in free-fall. When I will find a solid place to land?
Do you remember in chemistry class (or the cool new cocktail bar down the street), pouring one chemical into another, how exciting it was to watch the intense transition happening inside the beaker? Well I’m pretty sure, that’s the same intensity I’m feeling right now inside my body. And while it was fun to watch the chaos going on inside the beaker, I can assure you inside my body it’s scary, disorienting and pretty damn uncomfortable.
By starting my own business, I have said yes to something that scares me. It's terrifying to take the risk of offering your skills to the world, wondering if they'll be valued. I have stepped into the unknown and have removed much of the routine and 'normal' that made up my life. No fixed income, no set things to do each day, no normal start and finish time, no 'normal' full stop.
While my old job felt like a cage this time last year, I find I’m craving those old familiar routines that dictated my days and helped define me. Does that mean I made the wrong decision?
I feel embarrassed even asking this question when I’ve spoken of this desire for a new way of life for well over three years. I tell myself, this could just be a bad day, or a bad moment, not a bad decision. Is my brain just trying to get me back to a place of perceived 'safety'? We can be so quick to put ourselves in situations where everything feels only normal and right, for the sake of our pride or just because it feels better. Anything to avoid feeling those chaotic and uncomfortable feelings.
So, while I feel these feelings and ask these questions, I’m spending a lot of my time doing what all those wise gurus tell you to do – sit and be with the discomfort. Don’t run from it. Don’t binge eat, drink, sleep, whatever. Accept it. Befriend it. Learn from it. I’m doing a lot of meditation, yoga and writing. I’m going for long walks, cooking and reading. I’m learning more about how to market and grow my business. I’m reaching out to friends and friends-of-friends for help and advice (thank you all!). And I’m waiting for the day I feel normal again.
I imagine a year from now I’ll be able to look back and tell you all that I learnt and all the ways I’ve grown from this, but at the moment I can’t see all that. I’m just in it. Feeling uncomfortable and wishing I could fast forward to the point when all of this feels like my new normal.
p.s - do you or someone you know need some help in their own transition? Get in touch with me today on firstname.lastname@example.org for a free 20 min discovery call.