Why do we find it so hard to ask for help?
Updated: Oct 31, 2018
Before I started coaching, I had a long, successful career in the corporate world. I worked long hours and was accessible all the time. I was handling everything without delegating. And for the longest time, I thought I was happy. I thought that being in control of everything made me strong — until I crashed, hard.
I was exhausted, cranky and unhappy. I couldn't understand how I had allowed all of the elements of my life to get so overwhelming. Fortunately for me, my husband said four little words to me that changed everything: "How can I help?" He said, "Tell me what you need us to do and we will do it." It was that simple.
From that day on, for my own personal sanity, I started asking for help — not just with things at home but also at work.
Most people want to help. And, while it feels good when someone offers help, it’s important to recognise that only we know what’s going on inside our heads until we express it – and ask for the help we’d like. Having the opportunity to delegate assignments creates a deeper level of trust and appreciation from everyone involved. Yes, you're relinquishing some control, which isn't always easy, but you're also creating a more secure bond in your relationship.
If asking for help is so great, let’s take a look at why we don’t ask for the help we need. Here are some of the things that stop us – do any feel familiar?
• I don’t want to appear weak
• It takes too much time and energy to explain what I need, so I don’t bother
• I hate being disappointed when people don’t follow through
• It’s too much hassle to fight/nag my family members who resist helping out
• I don’t want to hear no
• I don’t want to feel indebted to anyone
• I know I can do it cheaper, faster, better – so don’t want to waste the time/money
• I like being self-sufficient, I’m too proud to put anyone else out
• I like being in control
• I’m used to ‘doing it all’ and like people seeing me as super capable
While all of the reasons above may seem valid, are any one of them really worth the toll on your health, family, work and enjoyment?
Reality is, if you want to avoid burn out and find more time to take care of yourself, you’re going to have to find a way to ask for help. It can be hard at first, and the good news is that the more you practice it – the easier it gets!
Want to give it a try? Sign up for my free 7-Day Stress Busting Challenge here and learn more about asking for help without the guilt. See for yourself what a difference a week can make.
Need a bit more help? Get in touch with me today at firstname.lastname@example.org for a free 20 minute discovery call. I specialise in helping people change their patterns find more time for fun, relaxation and joy in their lives.